Mary Sue Horror Chronicles
by AdrenalineRush16
Summary: A few chapters starring our favorite little beast Mary Sue... A review or two would be nice.
1. Helpless Girl

_Disclaimer: The only thing Newsies I own is a CD and DVD, none of the real boys. (Oh, but I wish...)_

**A/N: **We all hate Mary Sue's right? Well, here's a little spoof of a typical Mary Sue story, inspired by The Complete Guide to a Piratical Mary Sue Abridged by Piratical Radical. (It is a _Pirates of the Carribean_ fic which is on my favorites list.) I let out a lot of steam this way. ;D

I hope ya'll enjoy it cuz it was a whole lotta fun to write!

* * *

**Book One: Helpless Girl  
**  
Scene 1: Manhattan Streets

Narrator: One day Mush and Kid Blink were walking along the busy streets of Manhattan when all of a sudden, Blink cocked his head and said;

Blink: Do you hear something Mush?

Mush: Why yes Blink I do! It sounds like muffled crying, which of course is very easy to hear over the busy streets.

Narrator: Both newsies then decided to investigate and ran to the nearby alley and found...

Both: A girl!

Blink: Who is hurt and going unconscious!

Mary Sue: I think I'm going unconscious! I must then say something sounding extremely weak and then faint! Um…oh yeah! ...Help...me...

Narrator: She then fainted.

Mush: Let us take her to the boys-only lodging house!

Blink: And have her tell us about her tragic past and then give her our clothes and dress her up like a boy, since nobody will notice her extremely feminine looks!

Narrator: So the two boys picked up the girl and carried her to the Lodging House.

Scene 2: Lodging House

Blink: Jack! Oh Jack, we are in need of your assistance!

Narrator: Jack immediately jumped up and helped Blink & Mush carry the girl, even though the two had been carrying her for quite sometime without any trouble.

Jack: Oh my! The poor girl has obviously been beaten senseless by an evil person and now it is up to us to care for her, since her family is probably dead!

Mush: Let us put in Racetrack's bed and all crowd around her bedside and stare at her until she wakes up.

Blink: Since we have nothing to do; all of us Manhattan newsies are bored and have nothing to do but lie around during prime-time selling!

Racetrack: Why is she in my bed?

Jack: Because she is ravishingly beautiful and since you're always playing poker, you don't need your bed.

Racetrack: Grrr, now I hate this girl, even though I am probably going to fall madly in love with her at the end of this story. But for now, I am going to play cards with my good pal Spot, because cards are my life and that's all I do, besides gamble!

Spot: ~bellows~ I AM SPOT CONLON, KING OF BROOKLYN!!! WHO IS EXTREMELY ONE SIDED BECAUSE ALL I DO IS MAKE PEOPLE FEAR ME (which is right) AND ACT LIKE A WOMANIZER. (This of course is never mentioned in the movie) BUT AFTER I SEE THIS GIRL, I'LL SEE SHE IS DIFFERENT THAN ALL THE OTHERS AND BE RACE'S BEST MAN AT THEIR WEDDING!!!!!!!!

Mary Sue: Where am I?

Racetrack: You're in my bed you horribly beautiful person!

Jack: Hey back off! She's prettier than Sarah and I love her! Therefore, I shall dump Sarah.

Blink: Oh yeah, well put an egg in your shoe and beat it, because she's mine!

Racetrack: Don't steal my line!

Narrator: Chaos followed for the next few moments until Mary Sue screamed;

Mary Sue: QUIET!!!!!! DON'T YOU WANT TO HEAR ABOUT MY TRAGIC PAST?

All the Boys: YEAH!

Mary Sue: Okay, good. ~loving tone~ It was a dark and stormy night....

Narrator: Her lovely British accent was now coming through.

Mary Sue: ...when my evil father kicked me out of the house in a drunken rage and told me to fend for myself, because *tear* my mother died in childbirth bearing me. Now I must make a living of my own in the cruel, cruel world, all while trying to avoid my evil father's henchmen, who want me dead! ~breaks down and cries~

Narrator: By this time, even the almighty Spot was weeping and all the boys rushed to comfort her, but then!

Kloppman: What in tarnation is goin' on up here? It's so loud up here for a boy's-lodging house!

Jack: How can it be loud? Only five people have been talking!

Kloppman: Yes, well, er...

Dutchy: Blink-and-Mush-just-rescued-a-girl-and-we're-going-to-keep-her-here-and-she's-gonna-live-with-us-and-pretend-to-be-a-boy-and-nobody-will-notice-and-I-being-the-moron-of-every-story-am-spilling-this-with-you!

Everyone: DUTCHY!!

Kloppman: A girl dressing up like a boy in an all boys Lodging House. ~frowns~ Hmm…~smiles~ Well, I'm too tenderhearted to turn away a helpless girl like her. We'll keep her and give her Racetrack's clothes.

Racetrack: Hey! I'm being abused here!

Spot: Yeah, well too bad. Go hide your obvious crush on her, after being with her for a week.

Narrator: A week later...

Mary Sue: Oh Racetrack! I love you! Your gambling and card playing entices me so!

Racetrack: I love you too angel! You look so masculine in my clothes to other boys, but your body is so feminine, how do you do it?

Mary Sue: I don't know, it's some kind of glitch the writers can seem to get right...... I'm perfect though, so don't worry!

Narrator: Mary Sue and Racetrack then spent the rest of their lives together...until a certain group of henchmen got wind of where Mary Sue was... But that's for the sequel. See ya folks!

The  
End

* * *

**A/N:** ~innocent look~ What? ;) The "Where am I?" is a tribute to my good friend Oreo. She hates it when characters say that, so I just had to put that in. The British accent I got from reading "The Mary Sue Who Wasn't" by Queen_Kez_the_Wicked. I have another one of these planned, but I want to see what people think of it first. So if you could drop me a review, that'd be great. Thanks for reading!

AdrenalineRush16


	2. Queens Leader

_Disclaimer: I don't own the newsies. However, I do own Mary Sue and half of Gussie. (Paul owns the other half)_

**A/N: **Wow, I had no idea people would like this so much. Thanks everyone! Okay, so this one isn't as cliche (or at least, not all of it.) A lot of it is just pure stupidity added for my (and hopefully your) enjoyment.

* * *

_"__Well, why don't you have her be "Gussie" Sue? That's waaay dumber sounding than "Mary" Sue. -Paul_

**Book 2: Queens Leader  
**

_Dedication: To Paul, for giving me Gussie Sue. I hope you're happy now? ;)_

Specs: ~running up~ Jack, Jack! Da Queens have a new leader!

Jack: What?

Spot: Those scabba's are da sworn enemy of Brooklyn!

Jack: How'd you find out?

Spot: Yeah, you ain't one of my boids!

Snipeshooter: Boids?

Spot: Yeah, boids, now shut up.

Specs: ~casts looks at Spot~ I dunno, I was just walkin' around Queens since I had nothin' to do and a random newsie told me, even though I was in the wrong borough.

Spot & Jack: ~weird look aimed at Specs~

Racetrack: Whose da new leadah?

Unknown Figure: [deep manly voice] ME!

Narrator: The boys stared at the figure who had just stepped into the lodging house room.

Racetrack: Who are you?

Unknown Figure: I am the new leader of Queens.

Narrator: And with that, the figure threw off their cloak and hood to reveal...

All Newsies in the room: A GIRL!

Narrator: Blond hair cascaded down her back with a red bandanna holding it away from her face. She had sparkling green eyes.

Gussie Sue: I'm Gussie Sue.

Narrator: Her accent was also a weird hillbilly tone, so it really sounded like Gus-say Sue.

Spot: You're a girl! You can't be the new leader!

Gussie Sue: Now don't be sexist boy! I could kick your butt at anytime I wanted ta! Oh and by the way Jack, Santa Fe ain't all it's made up to be...

(**A/N: **Now technically, this would be called a Mary Sue, but for Paul's sake, it was changed to Gussie Sue. The western and hillbilly twang was also added for Paul's and the author's enjoyment.)

Spot: Gosh, she's hot! ...Like me...

Gussie Sue: Hey, don't' be sexist!

Narrator: You said that already.

Gussie Sue: Whatever. Besides, I'm a modern woman and don't believe in romance!

Racetrack: Yeah, but you'll fall in love with one of us at the end of this thing.

Gussie Sue: Yeah, but I ain't gonna admit it!

Mary Sue: But Racetrack! You still love me don't ya!

Racetrack: Uh, yeah, sure.

Mary Sue: She's my sister! You can't fall in love with **her**!

Racetrack: She's your sister?

Mary Sue: Well, yeah! Can't you see the resemblance?

Jack: Uh... no?

Racetrack: Well, deah me, I did not notice.

Spot: Well if she's your soon-to-be-wife's sister Race--

Narrator: (This is before Mary Sue and Racetrack got married)

Spot: ~toward Narrator~ Don't interrupt the King of Brooklyn! ~does amazing hair flip as Narrator rolls her eyes and Gussie/Mary Sue both swoon over his hotness~ Anyway, we'd be brothers, if I married her!

Racetrack: Well gee, why dontcha? Oh, and stop makin' my goil squeal over ya!

Narrator: By this time, all of them were speaking with a weird western/hillbilly accent.

Gussie Sue: He can't marry me!

Jack: Why not? You were just swooning over him a few minutes ago.

Gussie Sue: Yes, well, er, because I'm too feminist and nothing terribly exciting has happened yet! I have to be fought over by you sex-crazed boys and get Queens back in order and--

Narrator: Okay an interruption is needed here; because its only fair to say right now that Queens was _never_ in the right order since it has a bad habit of having awful leaders. For some reason, every author loves to pick on Queens. (Notice it's never the Bronx that's bad and Staten Island has never been mentioned in any fic, good or bad)

Gussie Sue: Are you finished yet? ~glares at Narrator~

Narrator: I was just filling in, but yes, now I'm done.

Gussie Sue: Humph, anyway, I need to get Queens in order, and then be all lovey-dovey with Spot (which is **completely** OOC of him) _then_ I get kidnapped by some jealous person!

Narrator: (It would be a Queens's person, since Bronx and Staten are out of the picture. Some evil second in command usually does it)

Mary Sue: Wait a minute! You can't get kidnapped! That's _my_ theme!

Gussie Sue: Deal with it sister! People recycle that theme all the time! Besides I'm not getting kidnapped or hurt by some evil person from the past!

Mary Sue: Shush! Don't spoil the sequel to my story!

Racetrack: _Our_ story.

Spot: Wait a minute! Why do _you_ get a sequel?

Racetrack: ~smugly~ Because I'm more popular.

Spot: No you're not! I am!

Racetrack: Nuh uh! I have _two _Racetrack Weeks!

Narrator: Spot's silver blue eyes went as wide as golf balls (Yes, they had golf balls back then, read any book on history)

Spot: Two? How could you have _two_? I'm the King of Brooklyn! I should have _five_, people love me so much!

Jack: ~glumly~ At least you have one.

Narrator: The two newsies looked at him.

Spot: You don't have a Jack Week?

Narrator: Jack shook his head sadly.

Racetrack: Ha ha! Sucker!

Jack: Aw, shut up Race!

Spot: ~snickers~ Well, you've gotta admit its funny Jack. You're the main character of the movie and even Snitch has one, but you don't!

Jack: Snitch has one?

Snitch: I do?

Itey: Yup!

Snitch: Cool!

Jack: ~mutters~ Unfair is more like it.

Racetrack: ~smugly~ So does Davey.

Jack: WHAT?!!!!

Narrator: While Jack sobbed over the embarrassment of not having a Jack Week, Spot turned to Race.

Spot: Well, in fanfiction, I beat all of you.

Racetrack: How?

Spot: ~smugly~ I have 27 pages of stuff about me. You only have 12.

Racetrack: WHAT?!!!!!!

Jack: What about me? How many pages do I have?

Spot: How should I know?

Narrator: You have 21, Jack.

Jack: ~to Race~ Ha ha!

Mary Sue: Boys! ~stamping foot~

The Three Fighting Newsies: What?

Mary Sue: You're supposed to be fighting over us!

Gussie Sue: Which I disapprove of totally, but am going to let you anyway.

Narrator: Race and Spot looked at each other.

Spot: I thought we were fighting about who was more popular though?

Gussie Sue: It doesn't matter, just FIGHT!

Narrator: The two newsies then proceeded to soak one another.

Mary Sue: Oh, the violence! ~looks horrified and then gets over her violence horror~ BOYS, STOP IT RIGHT NOW!!!!

Narrator: Both boys stopped soaking one another and looked at her.

Gussie Sue: Fine, I'll have the evil second in command and you'll have the evil person from your past.

Mary Sue: Agreed.

Narrator: They spit-shook on the matter.

Jack: Hey, how come you guys plan this out?

Mary/Gussie: We do not!

Narrator: BUZZ!!!!! Lie detector never fails. ~both girls glare at the Narrator~ Anyway Jack, this usually doesn't happen. It's a glitch, just like Mary Sue looking like a guy in Race's clothes, even though she's toothpick thin.

Snipeshooter: Well so is Racetrack, so it really does fit. ~snickers as Racetrack whacks him~

Narrator: Anyway, back to the story!

Evil Second in Command: I have come to slay you and take over Queens!

Narrator: (See what I told you about lousy leaders?)

Gussie Sue: Oh no!

Spot: I'll save you!

Gussie Sue: Oh no you won't! This is my battle, and _I'm_ going to win!

Racetrack: Yeah, leave it to a professional Spot!

Evil Second in Command: Oh no! I am slain with a butcher knife which is just lying around the lodging house!

Gussie Sue: Oh it's so gruesome! But who cares? I won!

Narrator: (Has anyone noticed that she lost her hillbilly/western accent?)

Spot: Gussie, you're so amazing! I love you! And that is very weird for me, since I never like girls, unless they happen to be total jerks to me.

Gussie Sue: I just realized my love for you and now I love you too Spot!

Narrator: And they lived happily ever after, yada yada.... (boy does this job suck...) But then what happened to Queens?

Everyone: STOP ASKING SUCH STUPID (technically logical) QUESTIONS!!!!!

Narrator: ~shrugs~ It's another glitch.

The  
End

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**A/N**: Heh, yeah.... As you can see, I was kinda into character weeks when I wrote this. The thing with Paul was because when I wrote the first one, the guy I was talking to suggested Gussie and everything just came to easily. (So that's why Paul owns half of Gussie, and I own the other half)

I'd love a review, so if you could send me one on your way out, I'd be very happy. :)

CTB!

AdrenalineRush16

P.S. I got something kinda wrong in here, but I didn't change it because I liked it too much. I actually have seen Staten Island mentioned _once_ in a fic, but it was only once, so I decided to just leave that part about never talking about Staten in there.


	3. Talented Little Beast

_Disclaimer: I own two dozen pairs of gloves with the finger-tips cut out, a few sweatshirts, a horse calender, and a sharpie. Yeah, Newsies isn't really part of that list is it?_

**A/N:** Thanks for all the reviews people! Okay, so I Spot deserves another chapter for him because he really gets it bad when it comes to Mary Sues (in my opinion) Also, the girl is called Mary Sue again, although she is NOT the same as the one in chapter one. Savvy? 'kay, now lets get to the story!

* * *

_"....You need to have a character speak with a ridiculously written NY accent, and have someone always be like "What?!" Or to that effect! Just a thought, take or leave it! :)...." _-Laelyn

**Book 3: Talented Little Beast  
**

_Dedication: I took it...so thanks Laelyn._

Narrator: One day, Spot Conlon was walking through the streets of Brooklyn, hawking headlines, when a newsie banged into him.

Spot: Hey, watch it!

Unknown Newsie: Why don't you?

Narrator: Spot grabbed then grabbed the newsie and threw him down.

Spot: What did you say to me?!

Narrator: The newsie then pulled off her cap to reveal a stunningly beautiful/hot/gorgeous girl with jet black hair flowing down to her waist and sparkling/lovely/amazing emerald eyes. And yes, her eyes were even more beautiful than our own king of Brooklyn's. ~gasp~

Mary Sue: Ise says "why don't youse?"

Narrator: Her accent was so thick that even Spot has trouble figuring out what she said.

Spot: What?

Mary Sue: ~rolls eyes~ Jeeze, youse can'ts says anythang heah without youse bois askin' ta repeat it.

Spot: ……???????????

Mary Sue: Hmmph, bois…

Spot: Anyway, what are you doing here anyway? You ain't a newsie!

Mary Sue: Yes, Ise am!

Spot: No you're not! I'm the leader here, and you can't be a newsie unless _I_ say so! Besides, you're a girl.

Mary Sue: Ise knows Ise a goil! Ise also knows dat Ise could soak ya in a fight!

Narrator: Now Spot, as we all know, has a notorious temper, and this girl really sparked it. (Well, the things he could understand did) So, he leapt at her and tried to tackle her to the ground.

…

Note the key word: tried. In no time at all, the girl (goil) had Spot thoroughly soaked, such a thing that had not happened since Spot was ten.

Mary Sue: Ise told youse dat Ise could beat youse!

Spot: Wow, you did! Well, even though you just totally humiliated me and I really should (and will) hate you forever, I'm still going to let you be a part of the Brooklyn Newsies because you totally proved that you're tough enough to survive in Brooklyn.

Mary Sue: Awesome! Let's go!

Narrator: Wow, she almost slipped out of her accent. Spot could actually understand her…. ~tick tock~ The next day….

Spot: Now, the first thing to learn about selling papes is—

Mary Sue: Oh, Ise knows all 'bout sellin' papes. Youse gotta improve da headloins. Loike dis…

Narrator: She then sold ten papes to two costumers in three seconds, leaving Spot slack-jawed.

Mary Sue: See?

Spot: Wow, you're amazing! ….but I still hate you for soaking me!

Mary Sue: Than, why are youse teaching me ta sell papes in da foist place? (Which, Ise doin't need cuz Ise can sell just fine!)

Spot: I don't know…

Racetrack: Hey Brooklyn!

Narrator: Mary Sue and Spot then turned to see Racetrack, Davey, and Jack coming towards them.

Spot: Hey Race! What are you doin' here?

Racetrack: Well, I really don't know… I just felt like walking a few miles to Brooklyn during prime-time selling, just for the heck of it. I mean, newsies don't need to always sell papes. We'll always have enough money. Unless we're striking.

Spot: So, what are the Walkin' Mouth and Cowboy doing here?

Jack: We just came along for the fun of it.

Davey: Yeah, real fun. I'm supposed to be in school you know!

Jack: Suck it up! You have to come with us!

Davey: Why?

Jack: Because we gotta have you convince Spot!

Davey/Spot: Of what?

Jack: That ~Shakespearean mode, shutting eyes and putting fist in air~ is the question…. ~brings down fist slowly~

Davey/Spot: ~weird look aimed at Jack~

Racetrack: So, who's the girl?

Spot: She's this little—

Narrator: BEEP!!!!!

Spot: …who keeps following me!

Mary Sue: Ise ain't followin' youse! Ise sellin' papes!

All: What?

Mary Sue: Ugh! Bois…

Narrator: While all the boys were staring at Mary Sue, trying to figure out what she was saying, the rest of the Manhattan newsies came up. (Naturally, they wanted to come to Brooklyn for no reason too…) Mary them immediately latched onto Bumlets and began to outrageously flirt with him.

Spot: Oh like that is _remotely_ part of the story…

Mary Sue: Shuddup Spotty!

Racetrack: ~laughs~ Spotty?

Spot: Don't call me dat!

Mary Sue: Ise can calls youse whatever Ise wants ta! Cuz youse can't tell me what ta do!

Spot: You're right, I can't. And why don't you prove it in front of everyone?

Narrator: Mary Sue then soaked Spot again.

Newsies: HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!

Racetrack: Dat's real sad Spot; you just got soaked by a goil!

Mary Sue: Well, Ise could soak all of youse if Ise wanted ta! Ise could do anythang better than youse!

Racetrack: Want to bet on that?

Mary Sue: Shoah, cuz I knows dat Ise gonna beat choo at de end!

Narrator: Race then pulled out his cards and they began a fierce poker match. And naturally, Mary Sue beat him by a long shot.

Mary Sue: See?

Racetrack: Wow, that's amazing!

Mary Sue: It is cuz Ise could beat any of youse at anythang!

Davey: You should bet on that too Race.

Racetrack: ~turns to Davey~ Are you mad boy? She'd win for sure!

Mary Sue: 'course Ise could! And ta prove it, Ise gonna show ya dat Ise smarta dan Davey!

Narrator: She then proceeded to beat Davey at every trivial matter, even showing him how to do calculus. Wasn't she smart? (Catchin' my sarcasm? Blah….)

Davey: Wow, she's so smart!

Jack: So she can do everything better than any of us?

Narrator: Yes.

Mary Sue: Dang right! An' Ise can prove it ta ya!

Narrator: Mary Sue then showed all the boys how well she could sell papes, fight better than Blink, shout louder than Specs, rope better than Jack, be cuter than Les, more sarcastic than Skittery, etc. Soon, they were all blown away.

Newsies: Wow, she's amazing!

Mary Sue: Ain't I though?

Jack: I vote that Mary is should be part of the Manhattan newsies, because she's so talented and we all love her, even though she can do everything better than us.

Spot: Oh no you don't! She's a Brooklyn newsie and she's staying here! Besides, I'm sexier than any of you!

Manhattan Newsies: No you're not! We're more sexy!

Mary Sue: Youse all wrong! Ise the sexiest newsies heah!

Spot: Yeah, she's right.

Jack: Well of course she is! She's Mary Sue!

Mary Sue: Dang straight Ise am!

Spot: I think I just understood that!

Mary Sue: Youse wish!

The

End

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**A/N: **Okay, as you can see, I dedicated this to Laelyn because she hates the accents just as much as I do and gave me some good help with this one. Thanks Laelyn! How people can write an accent that heavy is beyond me. I nearly lost my mind! Lol. Super hard to write. So yeah, thanks for reading! I'd appreciate a review!

As always,

AdrenalineRush16


	4. Rich Girl

_Disclaimer: The Sue's are the only things I own in this fic. Unless you count the narrator...  
_

**A/N:** I just want to say right now that with these chapters, I mean no offense to Mary Sue writers. Heck, I've written tons of Mary Sues over the years and so I understand where they come from. (They're fun to make too! =D) So, please don't think I hate MS authors because I'm one of them. :) Okay, with that out of the way, many thanks to buttons413 in her review for ch. 2. She inspired a lot of stuff for this chapter (The name Prissy Sue for one) Also, a thank you goes to Oxymoronic Alliteration for letting me use the same ending she did on her fabulous fic "That's So Cliche" It's an awesome MS basher fic and one of the funniest ones out there. I highly recomend it (and naturally, it's on my faves list) Anyway, without further adieu, I present; Rich Girl! (This is for Blink, he needs some love)

* * *

**Book 4: Rich Girl**

Narrator: It was another normal day in the life of a newsie for Kid Blink. He had finished selling his papers and was strolling through the streets of Manhattan aimlessly when he bumped into a impossibly pretty/lovely blond girl with ringlets and….a newsie outfit on?

Prissy Sue: Oh, _excusez-moi_!

Kid Blink: Huh?

Narrator: Our beloved Blink, dear to us as he is, is not always very smart. Obviously the girl spoke French because most girls who live on the streets of Manhattan have had governesses to teach them fluent French and they use it whenever is necessary.

Prissy Sue:_ Désole_, I am looking for the Newsboy's Lodging House. Could you tell me where it is?

Kid Blink: Um, sure. Why do you need to go there anyway? To you have a friend there?

Narrator: Prissy Sue laughed a laugh that sounded like little bells ringing.

Prissy Sue: Oh _non_! I am going to be a newsie!

Narrator: Kid Blink was surprised at her idea (naturally) After all, there were no other girl newsies that he knew of around. Furthermore, there was something familiar about this girl... He squinted a little and then snapped his fingers.

Kid Blink: Oh yeah! You're the Mayor's daughter!

Narrator: Prissy nailed him to the wall in an alley faster than you can say "Sue". She hissed;

Prissy Sue: Don't blow my cover!

Kid Blink: Okay, okay. Boy, you're strong.

Narrator: She flexed her muscles.

Prissy Sue: _Merci_! I've been working out for weeks, ever since I found that I was engaged to a crazy rapist by my evil parents-

Narrator: At this point, Blink's jaw was currently residing on the ground.

Prissy Sue: …but that would take too much time to explain right now, I'll just have to tell you and the rest of the boys (because naturally there are no girl newsies) when we get to the Lodging House. Besides, we have to go now because;

Narrator: At this point, she lowered her voice and put her face _very_ close to Blink's. He could smell the delicious fragrance of her skin which smelled like roses, peaches, apples, oranges, lemons, berries, (fruit, you get the picture) sunlight, vanilla, perfume, in short, anything that smells good. Naturally, Kid Blink felt totally comfortable with this situation, especially the fact that he could see all the way down her shirt. (Because Blink is a pervert.)

Prissy: I have stay in hiding because of my crazy fiancée wants me for sex and money only and now he's after me! Now, come on! I need to hide as a newsie!

Narrator: After Prissy's little spiel, she yanked Blink out of the alley and started running down the street, hauling the much taller, more muscular, stronger newsie, behind her.

Kid Blink: Wait, I thought you didn't know where the LH is?!

Prissy Sue: True, but that is beside the point.

Kid Blink: What point?

Prissy Sue: Will you stop asking such stupid questions?

Narrator: Kid Blink shrugged then and decided to just follow the Sue. After all, she was so pretty and strong, so there was no doubt she was also smart and had a map residing in her head.

Kid Blink: Heya fellas, look at who I met!

Racetrack: Ain't dat the mayor's daughter?

Prissy Sue: Shh! Do you want to blow my cover?!

Jack: Wait, so you are the mayor's daughter?

Prissy Sue: Shh!

Kid Blink: Yes, she is, but had to run away, right Prissy?

Prissy Sue: I sure did. See-- well, is everyone here? I don't want to tell the story multiple times. (Well, I would like to, because then I can bathe in your pity, but that might take a while)

Newsies: Yup! We love lying around doing absolutely nothing in the Lodging House.

Prissy Sue: _Tres bien!_ Okay, so I've always been a rebel in life because everybody puts me down because I'm so beautiful and talented,

Mush: ~sobs~ Tis a cruel, cruel world!

Spot: I'm here for no reason, but while I'm here I am going to tell you to suck it up!

Prissy Sue: If I may continue?

Newsies: Yup!

Prissy Sue: Alright then, so I'm very rebellious and I hate corsets, hence me now dressing like a boy.

David: Where'd you get the clothes? .....And why am I here anyway?

Narrator: You are here for the purposes of this pathetically written story. And you don't need to know where a girl gets her clothes, it is considered bad form.

Jack: Yeah Davey, don't be so rude!

Newsies: Yeah!

Prissy Sue: Where was I, before I was so rudely interrupted?

Narrator: Everyone glared at Davey for a moment before Boots answered;

Boots: You hate corsets.

Prissy Sue: Oh yeah, anyway so my crazy-evil parents are always trying to find suitors with me (and they seems to find millions because so many perverted men want to get me because I'm so beautiful and rich) And finally, they select this horrible man who is secretly a rapist in disguise and they wouldn't believe me when I told them! *tear* So I decided to run away and become a newsie. I mean, isn't being a street rat easy?

Newsies: Totally!

Jack: Yeah, we love freezing in the winter, having horrible hygiene and starving to death. It's awesome!

Prissy Sue: _C'est super_!

Newsies: WHAT SHE SAID!

Prissy Sue: Anyhoo, so now my crazy perverted psycho fiancée is after me and I need a place to live.

Kid Blink: Why don't you live here with us?

Prissy Sue: Even though this is a Newsboys lodging house, (meaning, all boys) I think that's an awesome idea!

Jack: And nobody will look for you here either!

Prissy Sue: _J'ai gagne!_

Evil Perverted Fiancee: Oh no you won't! I'm going to marry you forcefully with the priest I hauled along with me-

Random Priest: Why am I here?

Evil Perverted Fiancee: and then kill you, so that I inherit all your money! Mwahahaha!

Prissy Sue: Oh help, save me!

Kid Blink: I will save you! (and look darn sexy when I do it)

Narrator: Blink then stabbed the crazy killer through the heart and deposed of the body out the window.

Prissy Sue: Awesome, now let's have wild sex and live together for the rest of our lives!

Kid Blink: You got it babe!

Narrator: And they lived miserably ever after…

* * *

**A/N:** ~looks innocent~ What?... ;) Someone mentioned that a lot of people have done the time travel and ghost stories and was wondering if I'm doing that too. Unfortunately, no. I haven't really read a lot of those and I kind of want to put this fic away. So, thank you for the idea, but I won't be doing that.

The last one is going to be the classic long lost sister. :) I'm going to try to put it out this week because I think I'll do Mush as the main character there. (Mush Week soon, yay!) I know Spot gets a lot of crap there too, but he got Gussie and the second Mary (tough girl) so I think I gave him enough already. So, yeah. Thanks for reading! Or, as Prissy would say,_ merci beacoup_! :D

As always,

AdrenalineRush16

P.S. Does anyone have an idea what to call the long, lost sib in the next one? Like how buttons413 suggested Prissy, and Gussie was Queens leader? I'd love to hear it!

P.P.S. I love French stuff, so don't think that I hate it. I just threw it in for fun. And for you French-lovers, I'm sorry there isn't an accent over the "gagne" I wasn't sure how to get it. :)


	5. Long Lost Sister

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything you reconize..._

**A/N**: ~sigh~ The final installment of the this parody. :( Thanks for being so supportive you guys! You rock out loud! Okay, so I used "Sissy Sue" for this one, which both Laelyn24 and Oxymoronic Alliteration suggested. Thank you you guys! :) So, I hope you guys enjoy this last chapter of the MS Chronicles. It's been fun!

* * *

**Book 5: Long Lost Sister  
**

Narrator: One day, the newsies were all lounging around in the bunkroom during prime-time selling, as they always do when suddenly, a girl came barging into the LH!

Spot: What are you doing here?

Narrator: The girl was about to answer when Racetrack looked at Spot and asked him;

Racetrack: Well what are _you_ doing here? This ain't your borough!

Jack: Yeah, go back to Brooklyn!

Les: Yeah!

Spot: ~to Les~ Oh shuddup kid, you ain't supposed to be here either.

Narrator: Les stomped his foot in a childish manner (because we all know the only reason he was put into the story was so that the writer's could have a kid looking up to Jack. Therefore, he is horribly one-sided. But then again, everyone else in this fic is too)

Les: I am too! Ise a 'Hattan newsie!

Narrator: (Les was also attempting a NYC accent. Naturally, it sounded horrible)

Davey: Actually, we don't belong in the Lodging House. C'mon Les, we should probably go home, Mama's probably waiting supper for us.

Les: But it's not even noon yet!

Davey: That's beside the point. Now come on.

Narrator: With that, the Jacobs boys left.

Sissy Sue: Hello, ain't this story supposed to be about me?

Narrator: Well, technically it's supposed to be about _Mary_ Sue, since the title is the Mary Sue Horror Chronicles, but you're a Sue in general, so you're counted in on it.

Spot: Okay then, let's describe her so these readers's will know what she looks like!

Kid Blink: Wow, great idea Brooklyn!

Spot: Thanks.

Racetrack: So, why are you being so nice?

Spot: Because I don't like being a total jerk on everything all the time. It's hard doing that, and managing to be sexy-sensitive at the same time.

Racetrack: Well, you gotta stop doing this, you're getting waaaay OOC.

Spot: Sorry.

Narrator: Race cleared his throat pointedly.

Spot: Oh, I mean, YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!! ~tackles Race to the ground~

Narrator: While they were having their little tussle, the focus finally came back onto the girl. I mean, we can't neglect her too long can we?

Jack: I love her gorgeous dark brown hair with natural wave that goes down to her knees!

Kid Blink: I love her olive green eyes with azure rims and amber swirls in the iris and golden flecks adding to the mix!

Spot: ~from the floor with Race~ I love her perfect body!

Narrator: Mush looked at her curiously. She looked familiar… ~cough-**look**at**the**chapter**title**!-cough, cough~

Sissy Sue: ~catches sight of Mush~ Ohmigosh! EDGAR!!!!

Kid Blink: Edgar?

Spot and Race on the floor: Edgar?

Rest of the Newsies: EDGAR?!

Narrator: The girl then rushed across the room and caught Mush in a bear hug.

Sissy Sue: Oh Edgar, I've missed you so much!

Mush: Ohmigosh, it's my sister Sissy!

Sissy Sue: You remember me!

Narrator: They embraced like the world was going to end.

Kid Blink: Wait, so you two are siblings?

Mush & Sissy: Yup!

Sissy Sue: Do you want to hear our tragic family story?

Racetrack: Uh, not real-

Sissy Sue: ~happily~ Great! Where should we start Edgar?

Spot: ~snickers~ Edgar.

Narrator: Naturally, Mush wasn't at all embarrassed about his real name being revealed. He probably would be if he was IC (In Character), but he's not, so deal with it people.

Mush: How about we begin when our mother died?

Sissy Sue: Nah, let's start before with all the mushy romantic stuff.

Mush: Okay, you start, since you've always been a great storyteller. You always told me stories when I got scared.

Sissy Sue: I know. Kinda weird since you're the older one huh?

Mush: Yeah…oh well!

Racetrack: Ugh, just get _on_ with it!

Mush: Oh shuddup Race, you already got your story.

Sissy Sue: Why don't you both shuddup?

Narrator: Silence reigned.

Sissy Sue: Alright, so we were originally born to really loving and caring parents.

Mush: The way they met was so romantic!

Spot: Shh, I want to hear the horribly sappy stupid story, now shuddup!

Sissy Sue: Anyway, so they were so happy, (especially after they had us) but then Papa got laid off from his job. *tear* So then he took to drinking to take off the stress.

Narrator: Mush was crying at the recount of his life's story and the rest of the newsies were just as sad.

Sissy Sue: And he then started beating Mama, because he wasn't in his right mind, and he eventually killed her!

Narrator: Tears were now rolling down Sissy's cheeks (odd how her golden-rich voice never quivered?) and Mush was bawling. In fact, all the newsies were sad and rushed to comfort Sissy. (Notice they didn't go to Mush, their best friend and fellow newsie, instead they go to a girl they met ten minutes ago? Tis a very strange world…)

Sissy Sue: Then Edgar decided to run away and *more tears* he didn't take me with!

Kid Blink: Why'd you leave your sister behind?

Mush: I-

Sissy Sue: He said I wasn't tough enough!

Spot: Ya bum!

Narrator: Spot whacked Mush on the head.

Sissy Sue: Alas, my father was cruel to me in Edgar's absence. He beat me daily and even ~hushed whisper~ took advantage of me!

Newsies: ~GASP!~

Narrator: Another big group hug ensued. A totally random fluff scene happened between Blink and Sissy then, with Blink wiping her tears away. ~insert pathetic 'awws'~

Kid Blink: What happened next?

Sissy Sue: Well, after three years of suffering his horrid "hobbies", I finally decided to run away!

Newsies: Good for you!

Racetrack: And why couldn't you run away earlier?

~crickets~

Narrator: It's a glitch Race, don't think about it.

Snipeshooter: Is it also a glitch on how Sissy actually found Mush in the whole of Manhattan when she wasn't even sure if he was still in the city?

Narrator: ~sigh~ Yeah, pathetic ain't it?

Sissy Sue: Shh! You're ruining my story!

Narrator: ~rolls eyes~ Stupid Sue… ~mutters obscenities under her breath~

Sissy Sue: But now that I've found Edgar, I'll never be sad again!

Kid Blink: Or lonely, cuz you got us!

Sissy Sue: Right! Now I just need to fall in love with one of you guys.

Snoddy: How about me?!

Sissy Sue: Eww, why you?

Snoddy: ~looks around~ What's wrong with me?

Narrator: Snoddy, nothing's is wrong with you. It's just nobody wants you because you're not a fan-favorite and never will be. Sorry bub.

Smiley: I love you though Snoddy! ~holds up "I Snoddy" signs~

Narrator: Fine, Smiley is the only one who wants you. Congrats (she's a nice goil, you'll be happy) J

Sissy Sue: Guys, this is supposed to be about me!

Narrator: Fine then, pick a boy, any boy. Except Jack, cuz he's got Sarah, and you can't have Race either because he's got Mary1, or Spot because he's got Gussie and Mary2 and you can't have Blink because he's got Prissy.

Kid Blink: Can't I double up though?

Narrator: Want to be a sicko? Fine! BE OUT OF CHARACTER!!!!!

Sissy/Blink: Yay! ~slap hands~

Mush: Awesome! My best friend is dating my sister!

Sissy Sue: It's a happy ending then!

Mush: Ohmigosh! Yay!

Narrator: (does anyone notice a pattern in the OMGosh thing?)

~crickets~

Kid Blink: Let's celebrate! Ise gots meself anudder goil!

Newsies: HUZZA!

Narrator: Newsies saying 'huzza'? That's it; I am officially quitting this job!

_Fin…

* * *

_**A/N:** Smiley, I hope you don't mind that I used you in this. It's just in NY Dreams, Smiley and Snoddy have a thing, so I wanted to add that because you're the only one I've ever seen who's used Snoddy like that. ::) Again, hope you don't mind! Also, Blink's last line, that was for you Laelyn. :)

Okay, although several have kindly suggested it, I will not do a time-travel parody. I don't like the stories either, but I'm losing my drive to write stuff like this. Maybe someday I'll start a new parody fic about the time-travel junk (I almost want to do a slash one...) but I'm not planning on anything right now. I just don't have the feeling about Mary Sue's that I did. (Maybe that's a good thing) So thank you for your compliments and suggestions, but it's just not going to happen.

Again, thank you sooo much to all of you who've reviewed, favorited, or really just read this fic. Your feedback means a lot to me (and it always puts me in a good mood) Thanks guys! You're awesome! :)

As always,

AdrenalineRush16

P.S. MUSH WEEK STARTS TOMORROW!!!!!!! I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D


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